When I was growing up, there was a series called “Love American Style”. Each week the troupe of actors would find themselves in funny love twists. Over the last seven months I have been living my personal Love American in London Style on uk.match.com (given my penchant for British men and my goal to have a flat in London in 2017 it makes perfect sense to me) and let’s just say, I have learned a few things. Let me share some of my lessons:
Get clear on what you want: Take the time to ask yourself what you are looking for in your relationship. Write it down and believe it is possible. If you don’t know what you want, you may end up getting a lot of what you don’t want. Worse yet, you may not recognize him when he shows up!
It’s a Numbers Game: Keep your options open; especially if you would rather not. Being too available isn’t your most attractive look. Until you both are committed, your best bet is to keep the rotation moving. Your time is valuable, don’t waste it pining over someone who is not showing the same level of interest in you. Next, please.
Odometer Fraud: In my estimation, about 80 percent of men above the age of 46 misrepresent their age. Having shaved three years off in my profile, I am not in a position to judge. This age tampering appears to be a pattern of us “middle-agers” (blech! that leaves a bad taste in my mouth just typing it). In my defense, I didn’t want only to appear in the search results of randy septuagenarians.
Bait and Switch: Assuming your match has posted a photo of themselves in the last decade, the worst picture (the one you like least) is probably the most current. No, they don’t look incredibly fantastic for their age. That photo in the bathroom mirror (you know the one) was them at their best, 7 to 10 years ago. Do they not think we will notice when they turn up with half their hair missing and a generous belly? And ladies, please do show the same courtesy and keep your photos unretouched and current!
Ghosts are Real: If you think you are getting on with someone, and all of the sudden they disappear, you have been ghosted. Don’t ask why, don’t take it personally, just move on.
No Guilt: You don’t have to respond to every email. If you are getting a ton of emails from would be unsuitable suitors you might think it is the nice thing to do to send a quick reply to each, but in the end, he may mistake your kindness for interest.
Meet before you Meet: If at all possible, make a virtual date before you meet. Agreed, it can be a bit awkward the moment the connection goes through, but you will have a better idea if you are a possible match. A virtual first meeting is less awkward than a bad in-person date, and if you aren’t a match, it saves you both some time.
Be Kind: If you spend some time getting to know someone via text, emails, over the phone, virtually, or in person and decide they aren’t for you be sensitive to their feelings. Sometimes it is okay to let them down easily by saying you are trying again with an old flame.
My time on uk.match.com has been interesting, exciting and eye-opening. I met a man who inspired me to think differently about what is possible for my life. I was picked up at Heathrow by a great guy that I had never met; straight through customs to a date, that was a first for me. I had tea at the Shard in London at Christmas and a very pleasant and VIGOROUS walking tour of Richmond in the rain. And those are just a few of my experiences!
Alas, I did not meet my match. So for now, I have suspended my profile, and am focusing my attention on my blog.
Well, in truth there is one more match…I will let you know how that works out;)